Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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