My friends, they love my intelligence
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
