Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
