If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
