so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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