Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
