Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
