And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
