This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
