What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
