thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
