drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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