these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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