Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
