I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
