Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am naked and annoyed.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
