I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
as a side note pls kill me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
