Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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