it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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