You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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