he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
