When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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