I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
