So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
