i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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