It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
