I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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