Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
