Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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