That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
