You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
