I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
