Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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