So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
third nipple confirmed
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
