I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
