seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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