theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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