I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
