I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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