It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
