so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
