walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
