**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
