no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
