I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
