Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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