She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
