I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
