When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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