I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drinking out of a sandbucket again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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