glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
