Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
