when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
