its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
