Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
