Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize