Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
