1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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