Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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