I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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