if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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