um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
