How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
