So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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