oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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